Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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