what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
