Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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