you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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