Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
