Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
