The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
