On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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