I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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