After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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