wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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