I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
