That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
