i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
