I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my shit smells like andre
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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