my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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