found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
foreskin is a definite game changer
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
