Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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