i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
