Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
