I CAN MOONWALK!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This beer is not sobering me up at all
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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