The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
