i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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