he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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