Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
