someone owes me an orgasm
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
