I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
