I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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