On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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