you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
