i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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