I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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