When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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