I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize