I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
