i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
