I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
