I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
