Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
