She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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