I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
