Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
