That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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