i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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