Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
