Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you had me at cake vodka
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
