you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
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It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
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Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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