you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
