i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
