her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
