They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
