quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
