yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
