Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
