i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
