they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
