he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
