dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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