The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
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