You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
