hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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