I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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