yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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