How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
