You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
