Sponge bath it is.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
