Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
