Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
