i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
