I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
