This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Randomize
