Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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