she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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