You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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