yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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