So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
even my farts smell like vagina
The best revenge is premature balding
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
