Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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