At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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