He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
