why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
