Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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