If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
