ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
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