I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
