im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
