Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
