this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
