You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
