god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
